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05/13/2002 entry: "what happened?"

Do you remember those summers we'd get together on the weekend? We'd run around outside all day, go swimming, barbecue. Food on plastic 3-compartment plates. Dripping wet from the pool and drying in 5 seconds because it was just that warm out. Then it got dark, and a fire replaced the pool. S'mores instead of food from the grill. Someone always poking at the fire, keeping it going.

And everyone talked and told stories. The air was beautiful and cool, and we started to get kind of tired. Sometimes games were in order, whether it be cards, ghost in the graveyard or late night basketball. Other times we'd just sit and laugh and rest. I had so much affection for those times, that it squeezes my insides just to think about it now. What happened?

We grew up and they got older. Everyone's tired now, and only fractions of the memories i have still remain. There's no running around. There's no swimming. Sometimes we still have that fire, and that's the time where i miss the old days the most. We all look sad, or cynical. We still have stories, and we still laugh together. And that's what I'm grateful for. But it's still not the same anymore. And I cry when I remember how it used to be, and how things are now. I repress what I know is going to happen soon, because I know it'll just break me to realize it.