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08/04/2002 entry: "PS!"

About 2 seconds after I wrote that last entry, I got an email saying this journal had been reviewed for The Weblog Review. I was kind of nervous to see what would be said, but I read it right away anyhow.

I actually got a very good review. Yeah, I guess I am surprised.. I generally don't think I do many things well. So.. getting a good review on my journal is great. Although apparently I typed in my title wrong or something :x But that's okay, the reviewer didn't seem to mind.

I also am surprised that they liked my songs. I feel bad sometimes that I rip on them so much. It's only because I don't listen to the same music I listened to when I wrote those songs. Plus, I never really think anything I do is that good.. So it's hard for me to sit and listen to them without thinking about how different I am now, how much further (or how not-so-much further) I've come in songwriting and without criticizing them to pieces. I should just be proud I suppose, at least in that I can say, "Hey I wrote these songs when I was about 16, that's not bad for that age".

So now, I'm remembering things that happened when I wrote these songs and recorded them. First of all, I remember when Sara and I were both into writing music and we'd talk about it a lot, and jam. And she'd always be so surprised at how many songs I had written. I always did work a bit faster than her, I suppose. Although, I think they'd be better if I hadn't written them so fast, but that's okay. And I'm thinking about how I made tapes of my songs and gave them to my friends, and they really liked it. And how this one girl I knew played my tape for my English teacher, and she was so surprised that I was a musician (Hell, I'm sure she barely knew what my voice sounded like). And I'm thinking about how I gave Chris my tape. And I'm thinking about how I actually never gave Peggy one, and so she doesn't know how I sound I don't think.

I do want people to hear my songs, and I do want my closest friends to hear them. I do want to promote myself and just do something instead of nothing. But I always wonder if maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I have no right to ask people to listen. Maybe I'm not good enough, and they'll say "oh yeah, that's good" even if they don't mean it. Or non-friends will say "that's not so good, go away". Maybe it would be too self-centered and obnoxious. Maybe.

Well, for now I won't force it on anyone. If someone asks to hear my music, I'll totally let them. That's not an issue. In fact, I'll be ecstatic. Yeah.

Okay, bedtime soon. I want to be up at a decent time tomorrow. I think sometimes that I don't have many reasons for wanting to get up before like 1pm. One is so I don't feel so run-down/depressed, another I suppose is getting to talk to people in other time zones if I'm online early enough, and also so maybe I'll make myself do some of the random errands I seem to let pile up.