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10/09/2002 entry: "Reiteration"

I know I've said I was sorry in the last two posts and in person, but I feel like I need to say it more, even though you're fine. I know I said things in a really wrong way, but I keep being so confused about everything. I want to know how you feel, and then sometimes the way you say how you feel or what you're feeling just gets to me. It wasn't the whole email.

I am glad you still care and that you're concerned about me. Many people in your position wouldn't care and wouldn't want to to see me or talk to me. I understand you're frustrated. And I know I've been really selfish the past week, emphasizing my feelings and pushing for what I want. I just felt so forced into this and trying to regain some sort of control is part of all this.

I have to go, but I really want to try and regain... your trust, your care, your everything. I don't want there to be feelings of anger or animosity or whatever between us. I can't magically erase what happened Monday. But, I want to take back the things I said. In what small way I can, by regretting it and apologizing for it.

I missed the hug, and I know why you didn't. And that hurts. And I want to make it better.