[previous entry: "new book"] [main index] [next entry: "In between"]

10/16/2002 entry: "Stupid stupid stupid"

I really have to learn to not write certain things until I've calmed down. I've been so bad at that for my whole life. I get wrapped up in the moment and in what I'm feeling and it just.. gets out of hand.

I was being really unfair last night, and this morning. I wasn't thinking, as usual.

So, I'm using a few minutes of my lab time to point out my mistakes.

I am so unbelievably sorry about what I wrote. Everything I say contradicts itself, and I know that. It's because so much of what I'm feeling contradicts itself. It's all very confusing.

I was being ungrateful, and unnecessarily hurtful.

I hope to write more later, and I probably almost definitely will. But I can't sit here for the hour and do this.

I just feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me. There was no reason for me to say all the things I did in here. I do that a lot. But that's no excuse. So, now I'm paying for it. And it hurts.

I just sorry. So incredibly sorry. I hope you can forgive me by next week.