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10/17/2002 entry: "Commentary on AH!"

So, I've been looking over the two journal entries (that I closed, yes Sara) that started all this trouble yesterday. Because I wanted to try and look at them from my perspective of Kevin's perspective.

Obviously, there are things that I said that I KNOW I shouldn't have said and didn't mean, and that those are the parts that probably hurt him the most. Then, there are a few parts that I think, may have been misinterpreted? I wouldn't doubt it, since when I write, I'm not usually thinking about the reader's perspective. So, I sometimes say things that only I understand. Which, is bad when your sole purpose is for somebody to read this thing, right?

Anyhow, I'm really not angry about what he told me. And, like I've said, I know I was being ungrateful about how great he was to comfort me the night before. But I really did appreciate it and it meant a lot to me. The only thing I can say about it, is that I wasn't thinking when I wrote what I wrote. I wasn't thinking about him reading it, or how it would affect him, or how it would really affect anybody. That's just the mood I get in when I'm writing in here sometimes.

A point I was trying to get across that actually wasn't for him, but that he may have thought was, is that when people are trying to give me advice, they keep saying "Believe me" at the start and end of their sentences. And, I'm not the type of person to really take that to heart. I don't believe anything til I see it. I may trust their judgement, and I may appreciate what they're trying to do, but it's just really hard for me to be on the end of a "Believe me" sentence. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel, I don't mean it to be. It has no effect on my judgement of them as a person.

Well, I have to go to an art club meeting. They're going to talk about the website. Rahrrr. Should be interesting.