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11/03/2002 entry: "A good collected life"

Wow, so this weekend was odd. Yesterday I felt like absolute shit, but I showered and went out to dinner with my family anyhow. It was alright. Then, I went out with Sara later last night because my other plans fell through. We just talked and got coffee, but we made plans for her website and her potential business. So, she was pumped up and excited, and so am I. Tomorrow I hope to make a trip to her house to take pictures, and then go to Kinko's to find out some stuff.

Today's been terrible so far. For one thing, I have homework for Computer Science. And, I've felt like shit alll day. Actually, all weekend, but especially today. My neck has been stiff, and I've been getting headaches, and of course the variety of female problems that come along with our special little gift. But then at work, I was sitting there and I was thinking about shit I shouldn't be thinking. I don't want to get into it too much here, but it was just like.. basically me having low self esteem and thinking "Yeah, why would anyone want to be with me when they could be with certain other girls who are more attractive and better".. yeah, not good. I hate that stuff. When you start thinking it, you think maybe telling someone can get you pity, or will get them to say what you want to hear, and that's bad bad thinking. At least I realize it, lots of people don't. Because even if you did tell someone, they wouldn't respond the way you want them to. You have to just push it away as quickly as possible.

But, right after that, I got really really sick. Like, I was afraid I was going to really throw up all over the desk.. I didn't, but it was terrible. I thought I was going to pass out/vomit/die/find out I had some horrible disease that was slowly killing me. Actually, I was afraid I had meningitis.. you know, stiff neck, headaches, nausea... I feel better now. It might have just been because I was hungry. And, I probably get stiff necks because I sleep with my headphones on and that's kind of limiting. And, it's cold out. I'm sure that doesn't help. And the headaches were probably sinus headaches (as I have been kind of congested and yucky in that area lately) or else they were stress headaches. Something. Whatever.

My point is, that sucked.

Anyhow I took a break from my homework to do my grocery shopping, but now it's back to that. It's hard, but I'm working on it piece by piece. I WILL get it done, and I will get at least a decent grade on it.

Plus, Alex and I are definitely doing something this Friday. No doubt about it. Because she said so :) I saw her today before work and she's like, "Okay no more of this! We are doing something this Friday!" because it seems like everytime we try and make plans, she has something that comes up. She's just a busy girl. That's okay though.

I cannot wait for this term to be over. At least because my Math Music and Art class will be done. That reminds me, I have to get a copy of my schedule tomorrow so I can fill out my work schedule this week. Hmm.

Haha. I was just having an interesting little daydream in my head. No, it's none of your business. It's my own personal fun.

Okay, back to programming. I'll post later maybe, I dunno...