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11/10/2002 entry: "Oh, Honeybee."

It's about that time of the day where I explain how my day has been and what fun things have been going on this weekend. To say the least, things have been interesting. Today was quite a unique day.

Most of it, I'm not going to really explain here in my journal. Because it's personal and there's no reason for you to really know. I just wouldn't be comfortable explaining it.

Basically, today I was doing all sorts of things. I woke up this morning and saw Kevin had left me a message on the IM, saying he was going to be around here (instead of at home) to cash a check, and that if I wanted to hang out to call him. So I did, and we went for food and talked a lot. About stuff. It was nice, and I had fun. Though, he's had some not-so-good stuff going on lately, and of course that's not good. I hope those things get better. But, we always have a bit of fun, at least stuff we can laugh at.

Sooo, then I went home for a while. My mom's such a nut sometimes. See, when I was out with Kevin, it took longer than I thought so I had to call home and let them know I was going to be later than I expected. When I got there, my mom was like, "You had a four hour lunch? What's going onnn?"

Then she proceeded to tell me about this dream she had, with me and Kevin in it. I'll tell the whole story she told me, because it's not long. She said our family was going to the airport for some reason. Something about Georgia I think she said, but I could be wrong. Well we saw Kevin and some other guy there, and my mom said she hugged both of them, and said to Kevin "Oh, you know this guy?" because I guess in her dream she knew him. And Kevin said he sort of did, he was talking to him about a job. Then later in the dream, all of us were sitting at a table, watching some sort of show on a stage. And on one side of the table, was my mom, me and my sister. On the other side, was my dad and Kevin. And my mom said she was watching the stage, and then turned back to see what the rest of us were doing, and she saw Kevin and I lean over the table and kiss eachother. I thought that was really funny. She said she just guesses that she's had him and me on her mind. She's still hopeful that things between me and him will work out, I guess. She told me once, "I never saw anyone look at anyone else the way he looks at you". I didn't know she noticed any of that stuff.. yeah, I dunno.

Well, then I went out with Sara later on in the night. And, her and her boyfriend had a rough phone conversation.. I don't know what's going to happen, but I think they're on the verge of breaking up. It's sad, but I've seen it coming. And I think her boyfriend doesn't treat her very well, and she knows that.

Ugh, I'm incredibly tired. One last thing, about decisions.

At some point in your life, you have to make Important Decisions about certain things you do. I have a theory that you always know what the answer is, you just spend the decision making time looking for a loophole. Like, maybe there's something else you didn't think of. Although, that mostly applies to situations where the answer is something you don't really want to do. But you know you should do it. And it is always the hardest decision you will ever make, because you know it's "Do what I want" or "Do what I should". If you do what you want, there will most likely be consequences. If you do what you should, you know you're missing out on the thing you want.

But, the desire is only a desire under certain conditions. The thing you should do is only what you should do under those same conditions. So, the built in loophole is change. If a certain thing happens that makes the desire consequences less harmful, or not harmful at all, then the desire just becomes.. what you will do. What you can do. The should is eliminated because the original situational conditions disappear. Those conditions are what made it a should.

I'm philosophizing about Important Decisions because it makes me feel a bit better.

It was sooooooooooo hard. Uggh.

Bedtime. Gotta work tomorrow. The way this weekend has been makes me wonder what tomorrow will bring? If anything? Anything is possible. I'm convinced of that at this point. And, in a way, that's a good thing.

Goodnight, hope everyone had a nice day (I wasn't here at all to really talk to anyone online, so I hope things were as fun for you as they were for me). Or if they weren't, I hope things get better. And... yes. Bye.

(<3)