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12/12/2002 entry: "Let the plaster break my hand"

[PUNCH the fucking wall]

[PUNCH it again]

[PUNCH it HIT it until the hole's huge and my hand is broken]

[PUNCH the fucking wall]

What's good enough for my father is good enough for me.

[So I PUNCH and PUNCH and PUNCH]

Cause right now I feel like I could never sleep.

Putting your hand through a wall isn't something you do cause you're mad at someone else. You do it when you're angry with yourself, frustrated with yourself, disappointed in yourself.

God damn it. Self-restraint, why can I not cast thee off?

"And I break, break; break once more --
Tiny pieces of flesh and still steaming blood
Cover the cold tile floor.

It's my final piece, unseen and unframed--
My last collage, given up in vain."