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12/16/2002 entry: "The horror, the horror.."

Since my weather-induced headache is starting to subside, I decided to stay online a few minutes longer, and to do one of those annoying posts where I tell you stuff about me in survey format. I know it's not very interesting or intellectual, but screw it. I've been in pain for the past couple hours and I like doing these things. It makes me feel like someone cares to know these details about me.

[ series 1 - you ]

{x} Name: Rachel
{x} Birthdate: September 19, 1982
{x} Birthplace: Oak Lawn, IL
{x} Current Location: Alsip, IL (home); Naperville, IL (school)
{x} Eye Color: blue or green, depends on who you ask.
{x} Hair Color: red, black and dark blonde at the moment (ROOTS)
{x} Right or Left-handed: Left handed mostly. Interesting fact about me, though. I can semi-write with my right hand, semi-draw with it, I'm a switch hitter (a pitcher's nightmare) and I kick and throw with my right hand. And I wear my watch on my left wrist. I used to play badminton and ping pong with both hands, switching off, but being on the badminton team freshman year of high school, they forced me to choose a hand. So I picked left.
{x} Zodiac Sign: Virgo Sun, Virgo Rising, Libra Moon (Don't know what all that means? Ask me or look it up.)
{x} Innie or Outtie: Innie.

[ series 2 - your favorite ]
{x}Music: Classic rock, some Grunge, Indie Rock, Indie-Pop, things with Folk/Country leanings, Singer-Songwriters who have great lyrics, Riot grrl, little bit of metal (as in, My Ruin), some Punk (older stuff), some Soul/Funk (a la James Brown), Dancey synthy music (think, The Faint or !!!), Post-punk.
{x}Cartoon: The Simpsons
{x}Colour: Blue and black
{x}Slurpee Flavor: I don't really drink Slurpees..
{x}Magazine: I don't particularly like magazines in general, but Devil in the Woods is neat, I learn about new bands from them and they give me 7"s. I occasionally buy music magazines and computer magazines, though.
{x}TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Third Rock, The Cosby Show. There's probably a couple more, but those are three favorites.
{x}Song: Yikes. I have many. Right now, I like Elliot Smith - Waltz #2, Dismemberment Plan - Manipulate Me, Le Tigre - Eau D'Bedroom Dancing, Liz Janes - Proposition, Nirvana - Where Did You Sleep Last Night? (cover), TMBG - Birdhouse in Your Soul, Refused - New Noise, The Faint - Total Job / The Passives. I could go on like this for a while..
{x}Language: French. Sure I'm not fluent in it, but I still like it better than English.
{x}Food: Fettucinni Alfredo with Chicken and Broccoli. Mmmmmm. And that cheescake at Daniel's with the caramel... ohh so good.
{x}Beverage: right now,.. hm. Coke, Coffee and Mike's Hard Lemonade. That changes once in a while. Well, at least the soda one does. Not the coffee and Hard Lemonade. That's constant.
{x}Subject in School: Uh.. whichever one you do the least work in. That's what I like. Right now, I guess my favorite subject is Computer Science. But that changes depending on how my classes go each term.
{x}Ice Cream Flavor: That chocolate vanilla twist soft serve at the Frosted Mug. Ohhh yeah. Otherwise, I guess the type with pieces of brownies in it. Yum.
{x}Roller Coaster: Batman. I know it's short, but I like feeling like I'm flying. Otherwise, I guessss.. I don't know. I'm not much of a roller coaster person. Viper is okay I guess.

[ series 3 - what is ]
{x}The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Hair or clothes. And if they wear glasses. That's not just the opposite sex though, I do that for everyone.
{x}The Best Name for a Butler: Tim Curry. Or Jamesir Bensonmum. (Please tell me SOMEONE got that..)
{x}The wussiest sport: football. Haha.
{x}Your best feature: Physical, or otherwise? I would say my thick hair, even though I hate it sometimes. But I don't like to talk about my physical features. Like what am I going to say, "MY ASS"? No. Best otherwise feature, uhh.. my laidback/tolerant nature. Unless you cut me off in traffic. Then I'm going to kill you.
{x}Your bedtime: Gee, what is it now, 2am? Yeah.
{x}Your greatest fear: Death. Snakes, Spiders and people breaking into my house follow a close second to that one. Falling is next.
{x}Your greatest accomplishment: Being on the Bozo show? I mean.. well, I guess getting this art department job. Or, all the times I won spelling bees when I was younger. OH! I know. My greatest accomplishment thus far: 1st place (individual) at this math competition back in junior high. I think it was at Mother McAuley. Yes. I won. I kicked everyone's ass.
{x}Your most missed memory: I think I have a couple. Childhood innocence and freedom in general. Sitting at the Naperville 5th Avenue station with Kevin like the day after we started going out. Being out with Sara the summer between junior and senior year.

[ series 5 - do/did you ]
{x}Take a shower everyday?: No, I'm a scumbag. Haha. I take them when I need them, don't worry.
{x}Do you think you've been in love?: Yes. And it's "I am" not "I've been".
{x}Like high school?: Are you kidding me? Look who you're talking to! You know how some people, they say they hated high school, but that on the last day, when they graduated, that they felt like they would really miss it? That they DID miss it? Fuck that. Graduation day, I considered that. I asked myself if I felt like I was going to miss it all. Then I looked around me, noting how just like always, everyone was ignoring me, no one really cared that they wouldn't see me again. I was like "Goddamn, can we get rolling here? I wanna leave NOW" and I graduated, and I left, and I really realy really would never want to do all that again. It was terrible. I didn't want to go to that high school, I wanted to go to one for "Individual Achievement". I wanted to get away from the people I'd known since grade school. But NOOO. It WAS terrible. I have that same feeling like most people, like they want to show up all those idiots they went to school with, and really become something. They want to make them all think, "Wow, that person is really doing great. Wow. I wish I had been nicer to them in high school". Maybe that's wrong, stupid, whatever. But I want to do it.
{x}Want to get married: Ehh kind of. Not for the religious stuff. Not really for the symbolic stuff. Mostly for the reception. I'm a weird one. I just want to celebrate being that in love with someone with my family and friends.
{x}Type with your fingers on the right keys?: You know it, baby. I type 80+ words a minute. If that doesn't turn you on, I don't know what will.
{x}Believe in yourself?: currently, I'm undecided. Let's say, somewhat.
{x}Have any tattoos/where?: not yet..
{x}Have any piercings/where?: ears pierced, cartilage pierced (did it myself too. Rrrrrow.)
{x}Get motion sickness?: only if I'm reading while in the car.
{x}Like thunderstorms?: Ooooh yeah. I love them. They're great.

[ series 6 - the future ]
{x}Age you hope to be married: I don't know, don't ask me things like that.
{x}Numbers and Names of Children: Uhhhh... I don't go in for obsessive planning. If you want me to guess, I'll say 1 or 2. But names?? I don't know!
{x}Where do you see yourself at age 40?: Rich and or famous. Oh wait, that's just a dream. Okay, well, probably living in a house with someone and a kid / pet.
{x}Describe your Dream Wedding: I hate our stupid brainwashing culture. FUCK OFF WITH THE WEDDING CRAP. IT'S DUMB AND POINTLESS.
{x}How do you want to die?: I don't. Sorry, too afraid. Although I guess I'd hope it was in my sleep.. WHEN I'M OLD THOUGH. Not now. I don't want to die like, tonight.
{x}What do you want to be when you grow up?: Everything. I want to be a Renaissance woman. A musician, a writer, a therapist, a programmer, a web designer, a librarian, an artist, a promoter,.. yeah.
{x}What country would you most like to visit?: France, Switzerland and England. France the most, I suppose.

[ series 7 - Opposite sex ]
{x}Best eye color?: Uh, any? Though I guess I have a particular thing for brown... for a particular reason..
{x}Best hair color?: As long as its darkish, I'm cool with it. I've never really liked blonde hair on guys. Brown or Black or dark anything is good though.
{x}Short or long hair?: Mmm... short, but long. Like... not super short, not super long. Just.. short, but with longish pieces. You get it?
{x}Best height?: Hey, I have no height preference. I can honestly say that.
{x}Best articles of clothing?: um.. what? I think this is a stupid question gearing towards some kind of sexual and set-up answer.
{x}Best first date location?: I.. don't know. Somewhere you can talk, I suppose.
{x}Best first kiss location?: The top bunk in Kevin's room freshman year. Hahaha. Sorry. I don't really have another answer for this, that's why I said that.

[ series 8 - other ]
{x}When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal?: I have no clue.
{x}How many houses have you lived in?: 1
{x}How many relationships have you had?: 1
{x}What's the longest relationship you've ever had?: 2 years
{x}How many schools have you gone to?: 4
{x}What color is your bedroom carpet?: An awesome shade of brightish red.
{x}Would you shave your head for $5000 dollars?: Um... hm. I.. don't know. That's tough. Probably not.
{x}What was the best time of your life so far?: I don't really know, there's a bunch, but earlier today, when I was in Sara's car and I was having so much trouble manipulating the seat.. yeah, that was pretty hilarious. I'll tell the story. I was trying to reach a hat in the backseat, but couldn't with the chair all the way up. So, I reclined it, but it's fucked up so instead of a smooth movement, it all of a sudden flew back, and me with it. So here I am, completely horizontal, laughing at how funny I must have looked. I get the hat. Then, I try to sit up... problem. The seat belt is also fucked up, and locks on you and you have to let it go all the way in before you can pull it out again. So I'm lying down, trying to sit up AND get the belt to go back out again. I unbuckle the damn thing finally, then try to get the seat to be straight again (also very hard to do). Then I finally get the belt to come all the way out. During all this, keep in mind I was laughing my ass off. It was very very funny.
{x} Fallen for your best friend? Hahahahaha. Sorry Sara, but you're just not my type ;) I've had crushes on friends before though. Guy friends. Or guy acquaintances. Most of them never knew though.
{x} Made out with JUST a friend? Noooo.
{x} Been rejected? Yes.
{x} Been in love? Uh.. hello, I answered that.
{x} Had a "one night stand"? Nope. Never.
{x} Used someone? I don't think so. At least if I ever did, it was never intentionally.
{x} Been used? Eh, probably.
{x} Cheated on someone? No.
{x} Been cheated on? No.
{x} Done something you regret? Yeah, I think I can say that. I don't want to talk about the couple of things I did that I wouldn't have done though. They're all kind of painful, especially one because I realize how bad of a person I am for having done it.
{x} Had sex? ;D

Have you/are you/do you....
{x} Considered a life of crime? I probably have. I think I actually did live a life of crime from the ages of 7 - 17. It's sad.
{x} Considered being a hooker? No, I can't say that I have.
{x} Considered being a pimp? I think I actually was a pimp from the ages of 7 - 17...
{x} Are you psycho? Well, yeah.
{x} Split personalities? No
{x} Schizophrenic? No
{x} Obsessive? I can be, but I think I'm pretty good about it now. It was more when I was younger.
{x} Panic? Not too often. Nothing serious.
{x} Anxiety? I probably have about 500 ulcers in my stomach. Did I answer your question? No? YES I LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF ANXIETY! Well, maybe not constant, but yeah I tend to get anxious quickly and it affects me physically.
{x} Depressed? Normal amount of depression I guess, but I have a tendency to get really deep into it at the midpoint.
{x} Suicidal? Actually, no. Never. Too afraid of dying.
{x} Obsessed with hate? No
{x} Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? Do you mean, literally dream.. or do you mean I want to kill people? Because yes, when I was younger, I literally had very graphic and scary dreams. And, yes, I do want to kill most people. Ha.
{x} Understanding: Yeah, I try to be
{x} Open-minded: Yep
{x} Arrogant: Maybe a tiny bit, but I don't have enough self confidence / self esteem to be.
{x} Insecure: yeaaah kind of
{x} Interesting: I hope so
{x} Hungry: Nope, I'm good.
{x} Friendly: depends on my mood and who you are.
{x} Smart: I think generally, yes, but I'm also very absentminded and like everyone else, I have brain freeze from time to time.
{x} Moody: Yeaah I can be
{x} Childish: Sometimes, I guess
{x} Independent: I try to be
{x} Hard working: Yeah, I actually have always had a good work ethic.
{x} Organized: Ohhh no. I try, but it never happens.
{x} Healthy: Not particularly.
{x} Emotionally Stable: Mmm I'm not UNSTABLE so yeah, I guess so
{x} Shy: Yeaaaah...
{x} Difficult: Sometimes.
{x} Attractive: Uh.. you tell me?
{x} Bored Easily: I guess so
{x} Thirsty: Very
{x} Responsible: I try to be
{x} Sad: not really, right now
{x} Happy: not really, right now
{x} Trusting: yeah I'm pretty trusting
{x} Talkative: If I know you well, I'll talk every extremity off your body.
{x} Original: Sometimes
{x} Different: That's the polite term for being a freak. And yes, I am. Haha.
{x} Unique: In some things, I guess.
{x} Lonely: Sometimes.
{x} Colour your hair? Yep.
{x} Own a webcam? Not yet.

Well, I hope you enjoyed that. And now, I have to pee. Goodnight.