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02/16/2003 entry: ":("

:(

I thought I wasn't going to stay up late. So much for that. That's something I have to work on. Self-control. I need to be able to make myself go to bed if I'm tired. I really despise staying up late too many nights in a row. Mostly because it makes me sleep late, and then I feel like the day is wasted. And these days, I seem to have a lot to do. Of course, that's because I don't want to do any of it, and so I procrastinate and put it off til the last second. I'm such a good student.

Well, I can't say I'm surprised. I saw this coming since the end of high school.

You know what it is? I got to the point where I had to be really into something to be able to do it at all, let alone do it well. Let me give you an example. I have a 2-D art class this term. It's alright I guess. But most of it focuses on creating a product that will cause people to react or respond a certain way. Good design, some would call it. I call it marketing. Marketing makes me feel dirty.

Our current project is to literally design packaging for laundry soap and create an image that would appeal to college students. Kevin suggested calling it "Capital Knockers". Don't you dare tell me that it wouldn't sell to (male) college students with a logo like that.

Well, anyhow. I'm doing a half-assed job of it, because frankly I don't care and it makes me feel cheap. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of my artwork, really. I've known that I don't have to care about that since high school. I'm not as good as other people around me, so less pressure I guess. I don't have to think about what someone is thinking when they see my piece. Mostly because, I have this theory about what makes art art... and I don't care if 10,000 people think my pieces are art, or just I do. It's still art even if I'm the only one. I have a lot of theories.

That reminded me of the Simpson's episode where Homer has that crayon removed from his brain, and is talking to Lisa about what it's like to be smarter than other people. And she spouts some figures or statistics about how much more likely people are to be jealous of intelligence.. something like that. But she says, "I even made a graph... I make a lot of graphs."

I have a lot of theories.

Maybe one day I'll actually use them for something worthwhile.

Not now, my lamp is giving me a headache. I'd bet the lack of sleep is, as well. So off I go.

And wait, before anybody asks me "How was your Valentine's Day?", let me answer. It was great. No details, just great. Don't ask. I'm going to be SO sick of hearing that question on Monday. Yuck.

How many days til the term is over? :(