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03/25/2003 entry: "The Omaha Diaries, part 1"

Let's see. Where to begin.

The Old Market in downtown Omaha was great. I loved it. Nia loved it. There are a bunch of old buildings, and brick / cobblestone streets for part of downtown, and the buildings still have these old signs painted onto them. One of the first stores we went into had the weirdest stuff in it.

I ended up buying a really nice poster that has 3 or 4 black and white photographs of Paris on it. I tried to take pictures of some other stuff I found there, but none of those photos came out. I have to learn how to use the flash. But I can tell you that there was a Jesus action figure in that store. Very close to a punching Devil puppet (you know, like those punching Nun puppets). It was the weirdest thing.

We also went into a used bookstore down there. It was.. so cool. I mean I've seen used book stores before, it's just that this one had so many interesting books. And it was such a mess at the same time. But, I found TWO Carson McCullers books there. Actually, there was one more that had 3 books of hers in one volume, but I had two of the books and it was silly to buy that huge book. But one of the books is a collection of unpublished stories, poetry, essays, etc. AND is a first edition. The other book I bought is called "Clock without Hands" and it's very very good so far. All about death.

I had this feeling when I was in there that Kevin would probably really like that bookstore.

I'll get off the subject of Old Market for a second, though. Since I mentioned it in a previous entry, I'll mention the Kum and Go. It's a gas station we kept seeing throughout Iowa and Nebraska. Thankfully, we never had to go in one of them. We were all a little suspicious of it. I mean... what is the motivation of naming your chain of gas stations "Kum and Go" spelled K-U-M? It had to have been some type of sick joke.

Since we're on a topic containing sexual undertones, I'll mention that we were in a women's bathroom at a gas station on the way home and there was this condom machine in it. Nia had no idea what was in there. I guess what the machine said on the outside threw her off, it did say something about "love tools" or "love objects" or something like that. There were actually three types, one being a machine for flavored condoms. I had to explain that a tiny bit... I think Nia or Sara said something about them smelling like the flavor mentioned on the machine, and I said "Well, maybe they do but the whole point is for them to taste like it". I was kind of surprised that they were as uninformed as they were. Maybe I should have taken a picture of that condom machine, it was kind of funny... oh well.

Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I have any direct experience with flavored condoms themselves. I don't know where I found out about them. I don't know where I found out most things I know, to be honest. I just blame listening to LoveLine so much in high school.

Oh yeah, and Nia was the only one of us who got hit on while we were there. This guy actually parked his car and walked up to us to talk to her, and was trying to get her to go out with him that night. She just blew him off, and rightly so. For all we knew, he was a rapist or a maniacal killer.

To be honest, a part of me wishes I hadn't come back. I mean.. I have work to do, I have moving to do, I'm going to have a really hard term, I'm getting really sick of the atmosphere around here, I don't see me making many new friends while I'm at school, I don't have a car, etc. If I could just stop it all, I could get a job, save money and get a car. If I lived in Omaha in the Old Market or somewhere around there, I wouldn't really even need one. I'd just be able to walk to places in the downtown area when I was bored. Although, I would need a car to get to other interesting places. And possibly certain stores. Oh well. There's a bus, right?

On the other hand, there's always SOMETHING stopping me from all of that. There's always going to be something stopping me from moving away, something stopping me from dropping out of school. Sometimes (most of the time) it's someone. I have this conflict inside between my desire to get away from things I don't want anymore, but be able to live my life in a bubble where everyone I care about is close to me. If I move away, I'm popping my own bubble. If I stay, someone's going to pop it for me. Which one is better?

I have to go now, but there's some food for thought. Stay and be nearer the people I care about while I can, or leave and bear missing them terribly. On the other hand, staying makes me feel bored, stale, restless, stuck,.. even unhappy to a point. Going would be new, fresh, freeing, interesting, potential for more experience, an extension of my bubble maybe. Hm.