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03/29/2003 entry: "Surprise, surprise"
HEY I'M LISTENING TO DEPRESSING MUSIC AND LETTING IT GET TO ME BECAUSE I'M STILL SOFT AND VULNERABLE SOMEWHERE INSIDE HERE.
Did I ever make some kind of rule for myself that said, "Don't let people ever see how pathetic you really are"? Oops. Blew that one.
The fact is, I'm very tired. In more than one way.
That's it, where's my alcohol? There's something burning in my chest again, gotta put the fire out. Tastes like pain.
Oh yeah, on a lighter note, Sara heard Johnny Cash covering Nine Inch Nails today and said to me, "There was this old guy, Willie Nelson or something, and he was playing that Nine Inch Nails song. I didn't know NIN was doing a cover". Haha. I had to enlighten the poor girl. I was on the phone with her and everytime she said "some old man" to her sister, I'd scream "JOHNNY CASH! IT'S JOHNNY CASH!".
We're funny as all hell when we get together, and we act like escaped residents from the local nuthouse when Nia joins in. This is the reason we're taking a video camera the next time we travel anywhere. I totally wish we had had one in Omaha. We were so fucking funny. Especially when we got drunk- I mean, that night when we stayed far away from alcohol and didn't try long island iced teas. We must have had an at least hour long conversation with some guy from the army staying in the hotel. What about? I think killing people. But, I was a little... out of it. Most of what I remember is being very tired and having a tiny bit of trouble standing still. It was a struggle to walk without swaying.
If you've seen the pictures, I really don't even remember how we decided to cover the mirror in "Redrum" and kisses. It just sort of happened, and I slightly remember getting my camera. At least I had the sense to do that.
And now, a random slightly-inaccurate, out-of-context quote from Peggy that I remember (it must have happened a while ago, though)
"I don't even want to know what caused them to write that song"
I'm sure I completely butchered that, but it's been a while and I'm tired.
La la la. Lots of music. Some of it makes me happy and reminds me of memories that make me smile. But some of it reminds me of other memories and those memories aren't making me smile right now. How is that? Well,
I'm here today and expected to stay on and on and on
I'm tired, I'm tired..
Looking out on the substitute scene
still going strong
XO, Mom, it's ok, it's alright, nothing's wrong.
Tell Mr. Man with impossible plans to just leave me alone
In the place where I make no mistakes
In the place where I have what it takes
I'm never gonna know you now,
but I'm gonna love you anyhow.