[previous entry: "Can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being"] [main index] [next entry: "Donate money to buy me a car?"]

04/01/2003 entry: "I'm ready and it's fine"

I'm so completely.. affected right now. I'm bored, I'm depressed, I'm anxious, blah blah blah. I have about 1 1/2 hours til my next class, 1/2 hour til my Dad gets here with my cell adapter and my robe, and reading to do that I'm obviously not doing.

Tonight's going to be boring, too. Although I have a ton of reading to do, and that's something at least. But.. yeah. I guess I'm wondering if Kevin will want to get together, but I don't really know. I shouldn't even be thinking about getting together with anyone, because I have homework. But, we all know how terrible I am at doing things I should be doing.

Which reminds me, I have website work to start on. A few pictures to take, see if my Flash trial still works, otherwise make time to go to the web lab.. yeah. And updating the pages. Etc.

My web programming class was alright today. I learned some interesting things already. I was really scared to go in there actually, from what the teacher had been telling me about the class. Reason? Here I am, a psychology major/art minor who designs websites but cheats and uses Dreamweaver, who's taken only 2 programming classes. And I walk in, and everyone's talking about all these different computer languages, and about Windows programming, and all that. I felt very out of place.

But, hey, I'm there to learn. That's what matters. I just feel a little intimidated by my fellow classmates is all.

Sigh. It's so hard to focus on reading and homework sometimes, when all I can think about is other things that are eating away at me.

I now know for a fact that I can take a train to Wisconsin. That's an accomplishment. Thank you, metrarail.com.

I think that whenever I have extra time on the weekdays, I should totally take sub hours. Otherwise, I just sit in my room doing stupid shit on the computer, thinking about pathetic things. And the more I work, the more money I can save to put towards a new car. And the sooner I get a car, the sooner I can get away. Then again, I have conflicting feelings about getting away.

I have conflicting feelings about everything. I keep thinking, it's only March. Except, oops, it's April now. I think I'm stopped up, and maybe that's what's going on. I haven't been letting myself cry. But even when I was letting myself cry, I still felt.. kind of hollow and empty. But it was a painful emptiness. You'd think empty wouldn't feel like anything.

I think I'm going to go wait for my Dad. I'm so fucking sick of being online already. And it's certainly not helping my situation at all. Fuck.