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05/02/2003 entry: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!"
Not that she'll necessarily see this, but it's there anyhow :) (reference to title)
Today was a weird day, physiologically and I suppose emotionally! I don't know, I seem to be stuck in high gear. I've had that anxious, on edge feeling all day. It's kind of good, but also kind of annoying because I think I almost / did have a panic attack at work. Like, my heart was beating kind of fast and hard, and I felt really tense and anxious.. yeah. I had to take many deep breaths.
BUT, here's some fun news. I saw Sarah outside Goldspohn today and she's like, "Hey! I thought I had asked you to come to dinner at my house tonight, but I guess I didn't! Want to come?" I had no idea she intended on asking, but that was nice :) I guess I am a little nervous about that, since I'll be at her house and meeting her family and everything. See, this is "Neurotic Rachel" who freaks out when she's placed in a new situation that isn't very familiar to her. Though, Sarah and her two roommates from last night will be there. I am looking forward to it though, don't mistake my anxiety for something bad. I'm just crazy :) I totally know how to get over it, I just have to go through some physical discomfort in the meantime.
The cure for my anxiety is to not think about it, and even at the last minute when my body's saying "DON'T DO IT I CAN'T HANDLE IT" I say, "Fuck you, I'm doing it anyhow. Go digest something." You know. Because it's my body talking. So..
But this should be fun. I'm wondering if other Sara will want to get together tonight, though I haven't heard anything about it from her. But I'll be back at about 8pm, cause Sarah and her roommates are going to the bars tonight. Which.. I can't do. Four months, people. 4 months.
I have a lot of homework to try and get done this weekend. So I most likely am not going home Saturday. Plus if Kevin's coming Sunday, I'd like to be here that day.
The problem is that if I go home Saturday, I'll get SHIT done, cause I never do my homework when I'm there. I regress into being a teenager and just drink mountain dew and play video games all day. Hehe.
Okay, I have to make a phone call and then hang around for a while waiting to hear from Sarah. Soo, I'll probably end up posting later tonight too, but this is it for now.