january 31, 2003
Can't there be ONE day where there isn't something stressing me out?
Granted this happened yesterday, but late yesterday and has spilled over onto today.
And, it's snowing. And I have to walk about 4 blocks in it. Sigh.
So, GUESS WHAT? No Poetry Slam tonight. Surprise surprise. I'm just going home for a while. I don't know what time I'm coming back, it depends on if Kevin is going out with friends, or wants to hang out with me. And I might hang out with Sara later on, but pff who even knows about that. I'm sure I'll have to call HER, and I'm sure she'll say "Oh, no I can't cause of reason xyz you don't know about, kind of how you didn't know I stopped drinking coffee which you really should have psychically known, I shouldn't have to actually pick up a phone and call you and tell you anything, or hell just writing an email is a bit too much sometimes, so no I'm busy ignoring your existence."
Yeah, I'm just a little on edge in regards to friends lately. I only have like... two really good friends. One of them I haven't talked to in weeks, and was given no way to contact her. The other is, well, Sara. Naturally, I'm feeling a little lonely, rejected, ignored and pissed off. Maybe going home will help. I plan on working on some music. Maybe I'll bring my art project and I can paint too. Painting is therapeutic for me. On Wednesday I couldn't wait to go to my art class to paint because I was so stressed out and I really needed it.
RAHHH. I have to get ready for class. And lots of snow. I'm so skipping lab. I don't care, I really need to get home today.
posted by rachel
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january 30, 2003
I just remembered something that may be of interest to you internet nerds out there.
After years of hoping and begging to have my own internet connection in my room, the fact that my LITTLE SISTER is getting a nice laptop in her room has given my parents cause to actually bring a connection up to the second level of the house. Well, maybe not that really. We actually can now, as opposed to when we had AOL and couldn't really. We've got that cable connection thing.
Anyhow, I don't know what this will really mean, except that I'll get sick of the internet even on breaks. Hm. Well, it'll be convenient at least. I think.
I don't exactly know what's going on these next couple days. I may or may not take pictures tomorrow at 2pm. I work at 5pm. I want to try and get my labs done tomorrow. Kevin and I are watching the Cosby Mysteries Movie. New Insomniac tomorrow night. Friday, I have my classes and then I may or may not skip lab. I mean, if my labs are done,.. why go? Unless my teacher says "I'm going to do this or that thing in lab today". Even then, I may not go.
BECAUUUSE... I think I may go home Friday, like I did last week. It's just better I think. But, this poses a problem. Sara and I were supposed to hit up a Poetry Slam at 7:30pm. But if I skip lab, I can leave around 1:30 / 2, get home by 3, leave home by 6:30, kidnapping Sara along the way. That is, if she still wants to go. I have to call her tomorrow. I don't know if I'll go without her. Maybe I'll just.. drive around or something. I could try to find someone to do something with, but it's so hard at the last minute.
Well anyhow, I also have to finish a painting by Monday, and get my time card back in the art center by Monday morning. Maybe I'll try to drop it off Friday if I get all my hours done tomorrow.
Ahhhhh. You know, if Sara doesn't want to go to that thing, I'll just go home and stay home for a while, maybe bring my guitar and try to record a song or two and play around with ideas for it. I really should. Hm. Sounds good.
P.S. I'm grabbing two extra hours at the library Feb 16th. You're welcome, Alex. Screw the system, I can get paid for any amount of hours I want. Bwahahaha.
posted by rachel
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january 29, 2003
Interested in seeing my own special little quiz-time? (My results on quizilla quizzes)
Go here
posted by rachel
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Uh, yeah I know I haven't posted in a bit. Oh well.
I don't think I posted about this in either of my journals, so here goes.
Last Friday night, I took off a chunk of my finger. Yuck. It's not as bad as it sounds, really. It's a bandaid size wound on the upper half of the space between my first and second knuckle on my pointer finger. But it was kinda deep. It's actually a slightly funny story.
My car was acting up on me. Something about the gas line freezing. So my dad got me Heet, to unfreeze it, and Friday night I was getting gas so I put a bottle of it in the tank. Well, you really have to pry the caps off those things, so I was outside my car, freezing, using my key to try and open this goddamn bottle. I was forcing it and forcing it and finally the cap gave way and lo and behold I saw a piece of something fly onto my car. I thought it was a piece of the cap. No no no. Then I looked at my finger and saw a nice little hole in the first few layers of skin. Thankfully, it didn't go all the way to the bone. Phew.
I was in a bit of shock, and it didn't really hurt due to the cold and my brain sending out the right painkilling hormones or endorphins or whatever. And it didn't bleed at first either. Then, it did. A bunch. All I had was a Kleenex and a ponytail holder, so I made do with it. It hurt later on that night, but for the drive home, it wasn't too bad. Now, it's on it's way down the healing road and I'm sure I can go bandaidless by the weekend.
GUESS WHAT THOUGH? In the ever-present tradition of my bad luck attracting more bad luck, I hurt myself AGAIN. Where? Let's go back a couple years.
When I worked at the library by my house, I was a book pusher. I shelved books. I was trying to move a particularly heavy cart once, unfortunately using my left knee to help out (not against the cart, just standing, pushing with my arms, and the muscles in my left knee). Use your imagination. My knee was pushing the damn cart, and then CRRRK!! Yeah, I kind of hurt it. Not badly, but you know, it hurt. And just like the time I hurt my right knee (badly) playing badminton (well), I didn't go to the doctor, assuming it would just heal and be fine.
Well, it kind of did. But I still have problems once in a while, probably some premature arthritis in it, etc. But when I bang either of my knees, it tends to hurt just a little more.
Well, yesterday while I was in the computer lab in the library, I banged it. There's this kind of support under the desk, a nice big solid rectangular thing, which means CORNERS. I not only banged my knee on it, I WHACKED it out of commission. I hit it so hard, glass shattered. Okay, well not really. But it was bad, and I sat there holding it, eyes squeezed shut, teeth clenched, wanting to scream out "OH MY FUCKING GOD OWWWWW". I didn't cry. That much.
Well, as I suspected, it's been bothering me quite a bit. I can't really walk up and down stairs all too well. Sitting down and getting back up poses some challenges. If I sit for too long and then walk on it it hurts pretty badly. Right now it's fine, just... a little uncomfortable. Not pain-discomfort, just "everything doesn't feel quite where it should be" discomfort. I should know that feeling. For a while, and once in a while, that's how my right knee is. It didn't quite heal right thanks to my ingenious idea NOT to see the doctor.
So anyhow. That's my news. Here's a few other little tidbits of information.
- Confessions of a Dangerous Mind is very good.
- When writing C++ code, if you get weird conversion errors when you're testing for spaces in a char array, ALWAYS look at the quotes you have around the spaces. MAKE SURE they're single, not double. Yeesh.
- Stop writing in your journal right before lab or you might get in trouble someday for not being done when class starts.
- Don't wait til the last minute to do everything for Wednesday when you know you have two exams, an essay and a program due on that day. (Boy am I glad it's all over...)
That's it. I want food. T minus 1 hour til lunch. Raahh.
posted by rachel
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january 26, 2003
I apologize if this is getting annoying... I'll post something real and more interesting some day. But it's Saturday night. I've had a full weekend so far. And it's not over yet. So bear with me.
APPEARANCE
- hair: Red, black and dark blonde (yay roots)
- height: 5'5"
-Eye color: ohh who knows.
-Eye Shape: ?
STYLE
- clothing: The least wrinkly thing on the floor?
- music: Imagine me shaking my head at this question...
- makeup: little to none.
- body art: none, unless you count this list of things-to-do I wrote on my hand earlier.
RIGHT NOW
- wearing: black pants, t-shirt. pretty standard fare.
- music: at this very moment, The Foo Fighters - Walking After You. Pretttttty song.
- thinking of: All the things I have to do tomorrow.
- feeling: sleepy
- bought: um, nothing?
- did: typing
- read: textbooks
- watched on tv: Cheers
EITHER / OR
- club or house party: Fuck, neither preferably.
- tea or coffee: Coffee... I have a story about tea... I will drink it again someday, but it's gonna be a little while...
- high achiever or easy-going: high achiever I guess, though I try to be more laid back about homework.
- cats or dogs: .. cats, simple answer. Complex answer... both, depending.
- single or taken: Depends who takes you.
- pen or pencil: pen
- gloves or mittens: gloves
- food or candy: food
- cassette or cd: .. cassette. I have too many good cassette memories.
- snuff or cigarettes: snuff? Do people still use that?
- coke or pepsi: Eh, Coke. Not proud of it.
- matches or a lighter: Matches are just so much cooler.
- sunset beach or the bold and the beautiful: None of the above.
- rickie lake or oprah winfrey: Ew.
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
- kill: I have a list somewhere, it's being taken care of.
- hear from: Peggy. :(
- look like: Sheesh, I don't know.
- be like:
FAVORITE
- food: I'd have to say.. Fettuccini Alfredo with Chicken and Broccoli. Mmmm.
- drink: I love Pine Orange Banana juice. And Mike's Hard Lemonade.
- color: blue or black
- album: Eesh. Well, some of my favorites... the CCR album I have, The Faint: Blank Wave Arcade (I think that's the title)... Veruca Salt: American Thighs.. a few others.
- shoes: comfy velcro closure shoes that fit.
- site: I have a few. www.homestarrunner.com; www.weather.com; www.comics.com; All sites that serve a very important purpose.
- song: Please please please don't ever ask me that again because I don't have an answer!
- vegetable: Depends on my mood. Right now, tomatoes sound good.
- fruit: Can't pick.
LAST
- last movie you saw: Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Awesome.
- last movie you saw on the big screen: See above answer.
- last phone number you called: Whatever Alex's cell phone number is.
- last thing you had to drink: Coke
- last thing you ate: Pretzels
- last time you showered: Thursday
- last time you cried: Don't know
- last time you smiled: Hour ago or so.
- last time you laughed: Ditto
- last person you hugged: Kevinnn
- last thing you said: I have no idea
- last person you talked to online: probably Kevin
- last thing you smelled: my feet... time to change my socks.
DO YOU...
- smoke: Where there's smoke there's fire.
- sleep with stuffed animals: No
- have a crush: I guess not
- have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Yep
- have a dream that keeps coming back: Not anymore
- play an instrument: Guitar, a tiny bit of keyboards, used to play clarinet, can play drums a bit.
- believe there is life on other planets: I doubt it.
- read the newspaper: nnnnot really.
- have any gay or lesbian friends: nope
- believe in miracles: No
- believe it's possible to remain faithful forever: Sure, if your will is strong enough
- consider yourself tolerant of others: I try to be
- consider police a friend or foe: Eh, it depends on the situation. In the suburbs, they're my foe. In dangerous neighborhoods, they're my friend. Not in Chicago though. The cops are idiots.
- like the taste of alcohol: The taste of alcohol itself isn't that pleasant, but I like alcoholic things.
- have a favorite Stooge: not really.
DO YOU
- believe in astrology: Somewhat
- believe in magic: Maybe, but not in the traditional way.
- pray: Yeah I pray I'll someday stop falling prey to these things.
- go to church: Not if I can help it.
- have any secrets: Surrrre, everyone does.
- have any pets: technically, I have a cat, Sabrina. She stays at home while I'm at school. No one likes her but me. THAT'S CAUSE YOU ALL SUCK ASS. >:P
- go to or plan to go to college: Go to, and plan to. Figure that one out.
- have a degree: I quote Heidi, from work / the party I was just at.... "4 MORE TERMS!"
- wear hats: Only in winter when there's cold wind that hurts my ears.
- have any piercings: ears, cartilage. Probably won't get anything more, except maybe more in my ears.
- have any tattoos: I think we covered this earlier?
- Hate yourself: @#^@#$
- wish on stars: Once in a while, when I feel I need it.
- like your handwriting: No, it's crap.
- believe in witches: Uh.. yeah, because.. they kind of exist. I was one. Duhh.
- believe in Satan: Not really, because believing in Satan would require a belief in a God, and I just don't.
- believe in ghosts: Yes, but not in the traditional way. When I say ghost, I mean something different than most people.
- trust others easily: some, too easily. Others, not easily enough.
- like sarcasm: Only in moderation
- take walks in the rain: I hate getting wet, so I'd have to say no.
- kiss with your eyes closed: Most of the time, but I'll open them a couple times. Gotta make sure the same person is still there.
- sing in the shower: Noo
five snacks you enjoy: Nilla cookies, Jello, Cheddar cheese, muffin, popcorn.
five games you like: Monopoly, Mario Party, Clue, Uno, Cribbage.
five things you can't live without: Food, water, shelter, some sort of clothing (protection from weather), and a weapon. You said, "can't live without". There you go.
five things you'd buy with one thousand dollars: Probably a treadmill, I've been obsessing about buying one for a while. Also, probably a synthesizer or something like that. That might take up all the thousand though. But you weren't very specific with this question... 3 more things. Well, honestly, I'd buy food, some CDs/books, and maybe some art supplies for this project I've been kicking around in my head.
posted by rachel
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january 20, 2003
Pssst. If you're a student at NCC, I suggest you go here:
http://members.lycos.co.uk/nccdownloader/
posted by rachel
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january 18, 2003
I remembered what else I was going to write about last night!
I saw this sign up sheet by my RA's door, that said "Ping Pong Sign-up". But I had no idea what that really meant, because the flyers weren't up til just today. There's a singles Ping Pong tournament. Let me say that again...
There's a singles Ping Pong tournament.
One thing you may not know about me, is that Ping Pong tournaments to me, are like archery contests to Robin Hood. I absolutely can't resist them. Even if the Sheriff of Nottingham / Prince John are going to kill me there. I hope they aren't...
Well, regardless, I still haven't made up my mind about signing up yet. I'll wait and see. There is a gift certificate in it for the winner. To where, I don't know. Ah well.
If I do sign up, I'm going to need a band of merry men, and an insider to warn me, and then cheer me on. At least, that's how I think it's supposed to go.
posted by rachel
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There are a lot of things I was thinking of writing about today. Right now, all I can think of is one.
Brain Aneurysms.
I've believed some false information about them, but it's true that if an aneurysm ruptures, you have a 50% chance of dying within minutes, then 50% of delayed death, and the remaining survivors usually are severely impaired.
This scares the hell out of me. Because now everytime I have a headache, I'm going to freak out and think I have an aneurysm. Fucking hell. I could have one now, I've had this headache off and on all day. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's from sinus pressure. I can pretty much tell. But what if it's not? What if I can't tell?
They say it's mostly people 35-60 who get it. But women are more likely to get it than men. The more I think about it, the worse my head hurts because I'm stressing out. And I'm tired.
So I'm going to go to sleep and try not to think about it. Here's a link for those interested:
posted by rachel
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january 17, 2003
I really really really don't want to go to my computer science lab tomorrow. Because all I have to do is my homework program, and I'd prefer to be alone. I don't like other people being there, looking over my shoulder, telling me what things I did wrong because I assume they're lowering their respect/rating of me when they see all the stupid shit I'm doing.
So, I think I'm not going to go.
I do have plans tomorrow, though. This is monumental. Me doing something on a Friday night? Unheard of.
I guess sleep is in order. Next week, I start taking digital pictures of things. Yay.
posted by rachel
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january 16, 2003
I was watching the news, and they were talking about new technology and all that. Apparently, they're working with this thing called RFID, Radio Frequency Identification. One use would be to put these tags on products in stores, so the system could not only keep track of inventory, it can also note that YOU took the product off the shelf, and debit your checking account as you walk out of the store. Do you see what this means? Even the anchorwoman did. No more checkouts.
I'm not fond of long lines, hassles and difficult cashiers. But by using this technology, you'd be getting rid of a lot of jobs. You'd basically be getting rid of the job, "cashier". You know how many of those there are? Man.
But of course the anchorwoman was like "Yeah, this is great, no more checkouts, yay for technology". Meanwhile I'm so pissed and annoyed I'm already halfway to the inventor's house to crack his kneecaps. Stupid stupid stupid world.
However, immediately after that story, they showed another story about a cat who got its head stuck in the tiny hole in a sewer cap or whatever it's called. I don't know how it did, but it had to be pulled out by police and sewer workers. I kind of thought that was adorable, but that doesn't make me less pissed about the other thing! Rahh.
Sigh. My entire day wasn't too bad, just one particular part of it kind of pissed me off. To sum up, here's what I have in my profile:
There's the good things, and then there's the hard things you do to get to the good things.
So, looks like I'm going to the art club meeting tomorrow, now that I know it's existing. So not staying for long, just long enough to get info for website. Then I have to WORK on the website. Yeah.
I think tomorrow I shall contact Sara and see what she's doing Friday and make plans. I have no idea what we'll do... maybe rent a movie or two. Like Four Rooms. We need to watch that. Then we can run out for coffee real late at night. Yeaah. Since I have nothing else to do, really. Just homework and work.
I'd be asleep now, except for the fact that I'm not really THAT tired. I could sleep, if I tried to for long enough, but what's the point of that? And I could be doing homework while I'm sitting here, but I'm not cause in my head it's "too late for homework or work". I don't know where I got this idea from..
Okay, so I guess this is it here. I'm just going to waste my time like always. Waste waste waste. wastey wastey wastey. Wastity wastity wastity.
january 14, 2003
Don't cry
You can rely on me honey
You can come by any time you want
I'll be around
You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun
Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
tuned to chords
Strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around
Voices whine
Skyscrapers are scraping together
Your voice is smoking
Last cigarettes are all you can get
Turning your orbit around
Tomorrow (Uh.. well, today) I'm going home and doing some major scanning. I have a few photos I think I'll scan in for your enjoyment, and then I have an art project to use the scanner for. And then watching Buffy will be in order, given Tuesday status. And I think a shower. Cause I need one but I hate taking them in NCC tiny showers.
So alright, I had a super good thing happen today, and I'm glad for it. It's just a couple other things have bummed me out today so I don't really know how to rate today. So please, no one ask me how my yesterday was. I think my head would explode.
Kevin, you'll be proud of me. I intend to buy that Flaming Lips CD, and that Wilco CD when I next purchase music. Uh, the newest ones. I don't feel like finding out the exact titles at this moment.
Sara, you totally suck for not calling me back last night. Haha. Peewee, you have to get with the program. Not that I would have necessarily wanted to go anywhere at that point, but still. Wellll anyhow.
I may add a webcam link to both journals, if I can. We'll see. I don't know why, but maybe it'll inspire me to be creative with it.
I really felt like coffee tonight. Oh well. Maybe Wednesday I'll stay out super late hopped up on caffeine. Who'll drive from Naperville to Bridgeview to Countryside to Bridgeview to Naperville post midnight? You've got it. For my lone Dunkin' Donuts coffee partner, I'll do anything. Cause who the fuck else wants to do anything with me? ('Sides Kevin... he's excluded from my friend rants.. remember that). Uhhhh so yeah.
#!@&*$# Dekalb. Haha. Dekalb is officially dubbed "Land of Mystery". End of story.
january 13, 2003
!!!!
Okay guys, get ready for this.. it's one of the best best things that have ever happened to me in regards to being a music-obsessed web designer. Ohhh my.
I got an email today titled "Liz Janes" and I thought "Oh hey, another Liz Janes fan writing me. Cool."
I thought this because I had gotten an email before from someone who informed me about a new album she's working on, and that he knew her husband. Which was awesome, I was glad for the info and possible contact. But this was something I did not expect.
A close friend of Liz Janes (who is also an assistant editor of Fair Winds Press, who has the type of books I'd actually be very interested in.. tarot, ghosts, other new agey/paranormal things) emailed me and said not only that she likes the design and thinks it's something Liz would like, but that she wants to talk to Liz about getting the two of us paired up.
Did you get all that? So I'd be getting the information straight from Liz Janes, I'd be doing her official website, if you wanna call it that, and any other benefits that come along with it (example, more web designing/mastering experience working with/for someone besides myself!)
So wow. I'm supposed to be eating right now, but who cares about that, right?
I am so excited about this. If you're reading this, going "Why is she excited, who's this Liz Janes character?" well mister, sit down a spell cause I'm going to learn you good.
Liz Janes is one of my favorite musicians. She's not super famous, but the way I act, she might as well be. I just love her music so much. It's kind of a bluesy-alt-country kind of thing, but you have to hear it to understand. So, go to Insound and click on mp3s, and search for her. It'll be worth it. Beyond just loving her music, I totally respect her as a musician and I really wish I could write songs and music as well as she does. So I guess if I ever have a music idol, I'd have to say it's her. Not that I want to necessarily play the exact same style (though hell, it's a damn fine style to play), but just to HAVE some sort of style and do it well. Yeaah. And her voice is amazing.
Ohhhh boy. I really have to eat some dinner, I have another class in less than an hour. And I'm afraid I'll run out of exclamations of excitement if I go on for too long.
january 12, 2003
Ew. Never again will I have the Sunrise Omelette at Baker's Square. Kinda stays with you for the rest of the day. Mostly cause of the onions and green peppers.
Today was a busy day and I'm making it longer through staying up so late.
But, I was productive at least. I strung a new song together, and came up with a possibly new piece of music. I'd like to think my songwriting is getting better. I think once I can sit myself down with a few good songs, and a lot of resources/instruments, good things will come of it.
Kevin told me once not too long ago that I need to move away from band-dependent music.. by that, I mean music that's kind of boring on its own, but would be fine with a band behind it (which I don't have, remember). That means, writing more interesting lines. Throwing in single notes, riffs, etc. I've been trying to do this. It's a slow process, because I'm really not that good at playing anything related to lead guitar. So no rock-star solos for me. Anyhow, I've been trying to take his advice cause I respect his opinion on music.
So, here I is.
Alright, I think it's time for bed. I may actually be tired now.. still kind of excited about a slight (like .005%) increase in skill/talent/whatever. I at least like what I'm writing. The song I did tonight, I'm not happy with how it sounds bare bones on acoustic (really quietly on the acoustic.. yay dorms) because it conforms to a certain sound a little too much. But I think if I experiment with other elements it could be much better. There's always potential for better.
Uh, yeah. Like I said. Bedtime.
january 10, 2003
Yay! I finally got the random image generator to work on my website! Thanks to a lot of help from this guy Larry from Dmag Designs.
Now, the interesting part will be getting it to work on the school server. But, I'll contact ITS about that. They'll have all the answers. Or else they'll be idiots. I just need them to like, give me the FTP information for the site. Like, where the cgi stuff is stored, or... hm. Maybe... Haaa maybe I can find it myself. We'll see. It depends on how secure the website is. Mwuhahaha.
But anyhow, I have to find out stuff like that from them, and the exact path to the art department website folders.
I'll be so happy if this all works out because it's a very appropriate and neat thing to incorporate into the website. I mean, we have a bunch of random pictures from classes to use, and this is just the best way. Plus, the empty space in the upper left corner of the pages gets filled. I wanted to fill it a long time ago, but I left it alone cause they liked the page that way.
Here's what the NCC art department site looks like:
Okay, but bedtime for me. Tomorrow's Friday. Don't know what's going on. If worse comes to worse I'll hang out at Coffee Dregs, or maybe at that other coffee place where they have the open mike. I mean, at least that's something. And a free something at that.
january 8, 2003
I am burnt out.
I am so completely burnt out.
I am burnt out beyond all recognition.
Note to self: Wednesdays suck. Avoid at all costs.
Third day, and already I want to die, or graduate.
I have absolutely no idea what we're supposed to be doing for my art class tonight. Well, wait, I'm lying. I have a vague idea. But I don't know, really. Besides that I don't even know what I'm doing for it.
Tomorrow, I don't have anything scheduled until 5pm. But, I have to get up prior to 4pm so that I can do homework and web-work. I'm having a hell of a time with this random image generator script I downloaded. One of the guys from the website is trying to help me. I think I'm just screwy and don't know what I'm doing, but whatever. If it works it'll be awesome. Please please please work.
In the meantime, I can set up photo galleries I suppose. I think I already know what I want the layout to be. Here's hoping it works...
I guess I should eat something... Hm.
I should also call Sara sometime either tonight or tomorrow. And we should do something. I've been thinking of trying to get a hold of Melissa again. And Alex.
In my personality class, the first assignment for the journal is to describe our personality. I hope my teacher's ready for the wrath he has asked to be brought down upon him. We're supposed to limit it to 4 pages. HA! I laugh at your limitations. I could go on for a novel. In fact, I'm sure this journal here has reached novel length at this point. I should copy all of my entries into my word processor and see. Haha.
I'm taking bets on this, I'm putting $20 on it being 100+ pages. Anyone like to join me? You can pay me through paypal WHEN I WIN. BWAHAHAHA.
january 6, 2003
I'm here to warn you. If the following person IMs you, you'll know what's coming at least. If you like it, well then hey you'll still have a heads up. If you don't, just don't even bother talking to them...
kockprincess32: hi.. wanna chat :-)
Rachels storm: sure
kockprincess32: asl (age sex location)?
kockprincess32: 24/f/new york
Rachels storm: 20/f/Illinois
kockprincess32: so what are you up to rachels storm?
Rachels storm: nothing really
kockprincess32: cool. i was just hangin out. kinda bord.. kinda horny :-)
Rachels storm: okay, why are you telling me this?
kockprincess32: feel like cybering with me ? please please...
kockprincess32: should i take that as a yes?
Rachels storm: um no
kockprincess32: ok, i can take a hint.. but you should check out the pictures i have of me on my site.. you might change ur mind.. check it out http://www.cyberfungirls.com/elisabeth/
Rachels storm: i must say, your IM spamming is at least taking a slightly different approach than most.
I should have known by the screenname, but oh well.
january 5, 2003
I'm getting the distinct feeling that I should double post my journal entries in my Livejournal too. I wish I knew a shortcut way to do that, besides cutting and pasting. Hm. It's an idea.
It's just that most of the journals I read are livejournals.. I don't know.
Anyhow, I'm back at school. Mostly unpacked. More than usual.
And my new mini-digital camera does in fact work with this computer. Well, it sort of worked with the one at home, but I couldn't do video or webcam stuff with it. Now I can! I don't know why that seems so fun to me. But you know, I'd have to figure out how to use it online, like.. how to link people to it... hmm. Or set it up as part of this website. I have no clue.
I have a few nice pictures from winter break. Most of them kind of suck. I guess that's cuz I kinda suck at taking pictures.. but I don't have a scanner here, so I can't scan them in. But! In the grand tradition of me EVER leaving my house, I forgot a couple things. So maybe I'll go back this weekend or something.
I can never seem to leave my house without forgetting at least one thing that I need. Gah.
january 4, 2003
Um.. I'm going to go play video games or something.
Cause I'll be able to sit on the internet all I want when I get back to school. So this seems really stupid to do when I'm only sitting here waiting for people to come online.
Plus when I'm just sitting online, I tend to start shopping. That's baaaad. No more shopping online for a little while. I just bought something and I think I want that to be the last something for a little while.
Oh, by the way, Sara's birthday is today. She's finally 21 and can legally drink. Which doesn't change much, just that she can actually buy it for us now. Haha.
I gave her Kahlua White Russians (which she really likes) and she was happy. She got a bottle of Sour Apple Puckers (may not be the right flavor name..) and it tastes like green apple Jolly Ranchers. Not that I had any (a sip).
Oh well, video games and sleep for me tonight.
If anyone around wants to give me a call tonight, I'd do it soon. I want to get to bed earrrrrly tonight. Cause I have to get up at like 9:30am or so. Leaving by 11am. Cause I like to get started early on things that I'd rather not do. Wheeee. I'm going to have to get used to getting up at that time for school anyhow... Class Monday. Boooo.
It's that time of the year again, where I bitch about having to move back and forth from school to home and home to school again.
This time, I think I have a better idea of where the hell I'm going.
Everyone thinks when you know your major, you've got direction. You know what you want to do. Ah, fuck that. I haven't known what I'm doing ever in my entire life. I just thought I did.
The truth is, I'm just gathering experience like everyone else. Maybe I'll be a counselor, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll work in libraries all my life. Maybe I'll work with computers like my dad someday. Or maybe, I'll finally get some sort of recognition for my music (when I get better at it).
So what am I going to be when I grow up? Half dead and still wandering around in the dark.
But, I do know what I want to do after I graduate now. YES. And I'm much happier with this decision than I ever was when I was thinking about graduate schools.
I'm going to get a job, a real one. I'm going to work to move out and live on my own somewhere. And I'm going to take online classes at the Art Institute Online (a program from the Art Institute of Pittsburgh). I'm going to get some sort of degree in Web Design. Then I'll be totally certified to work on websites and with media. I don't know what kind of job I'll get. I can work in any library. I'll have 4 years of experience in a library under my belt (well, 5 if you include working as a book pusher for a year before college). I can work in an office. I can work in a bookstore if worse comes to worse. I can work as some sort of counselor or assistant. I dunno. Something like that.
Maybe I'll write or do websites or sell artwork for extra money. Maybe Sara and I will finally set up her business.
But I do know, that I don't want to live in this house for much longer after I graduate, and I know I want a full time job, and I know I want to get a degree in web design. And that's all I need to know.
So yeah, anyhow. What was I bitching about? Oh yeah. Moving back to school. 5 more terms until I can get started.
I guess I can wait that long. It'll be worth it.
january 2, 2003
I'm going to a store to return a shirt and maybe get something else in place of it. If anyone is wondering where I am... so, uh, I have a phone. Call it if you need me. It's approximately 2pm right now. Yeah.
Ok. Ok. Ok.
Maybe I am a complete idiot. Ha, pessimism? Nope. I'm not pessimistic. I'm an optimist. Huge optimist. Idealist. Delusional idealist. Never realizes anything.
I thought things were good. I liked things. I was somewhat content. I will be somewhat content. Right now, I am not sleeping and I should be.
Maybe I shouldn't have gone online tonight. No, that's not true. Would have happened anyways.
I could handle how things were. But if all this comes true, then.. I don't know. I'm not sure. I can't say. It's a little too scary to think about right now.
But I, am going to go upstairs and attempt to dull myself into something resembling sleep. Then I am going to do the things I said I'd do tomorrow. Then I am going to.. wait. Just wait. Wait, and numb myself, and.. yes.
I don't have anything else to say. It just.. no.