february 28, 2003
Bad bad news.
They say bad things come in three's.. I should have seen it coming. First, I don't get my art scholarship (still have to tell mom and dad about that..). Then, I get an F on my Personality test. The third thing was much much worse and I need to talk about it now, though I've been talking about it all day.
A little before 5pm today, I got in a car accident driving to work. Let me try and explain what happened.. I was in a turning lane, to turn left. I was in the middle of the intersection, as we usually are when turning left. The light turns yellow, I wait for cars to stop and then get out of the intersection. As I'm turning, the light turns red, and when I'm halfway safe, I get rammed by a car coming in the outside lane who (I later found out) had changed lanes and sped up to get through the light. They hit the right side of my car (HARD), my back end swings to the left and hits someone stopped at the light, my eyes are closed and I'm yelling something to the effect "OH SHIT".
Someone gets out of their car, makes sure everyone hit was okay (nice guy). A woman runs up to my window, gives me a piece of paper, and says "I saw what happened, I have to leave now but here's my number if you need me as a witness". Unfortunately, I forgot about this for a bit, I wish I had given her number to the police. Oh well.
Then the guy who hit me comes and gets my insurance information. We wait for the police to come. In looking around the inside of my car, my coffee from Dunkin Donuts flew out of the cupholder and spilled all over, including on two bags of a few groceries I had picked up. Luckily, two of them were boxes of tissues. I ended up needing them. I finally look in the backseat and see that the seat is crushed on the side he hit me. Thankfully, I was the only one in the car. Anyone else most likely would have gotten hurt.
I keep hearing crunching glass and metal as cars go around me (I'm still blocking some traffic). The police finally come, and they move me to a driveway. I get out of the car to talk to the police / see the damage. It's pretty bad. Both sides of my car are damaged. Large dents, broken lights, etc. I'm in shock still. So I have to tell the police what happened, and since I didn't actually know at the time if the guy who hit me had run the red light, I just told them I wasn't sure if the light changed or not. I knew it was yellow, and that it may have turned red. Good thing, since my witness says the guy did run the light. Another witness said differently, but you know how that is. It's still technically my fault, failure to yield, etc. It's not the ticket that bothers me though. It's $75, and I have that.
It's the car. It's the fact that now I have to go through a lot of insurance bullshit. That my car is probably totalled and I had JUST gotten that car this past summer. That my insurance is going to go up due to this. That I totalled my car. I can't believe it. I was really liking that car.
Because I'm having so much trouble with this, I'm trying to stop myself from getting depressed by saying "It's only a car, only a material possession. At least no one was hurt. At least your record will be fine after 3 months. Even if you don't get a new car, then whatever."
It's hard, I tend to get attached to silly things.
The other thing that legitimately bothers me is the money thing. If the car is fixable, it's going to cost a lot. Definitely more than $500. Probably thousands. My family doesn't have that kind of money.
Aside from that, I got away with just some bruises. My left knee hit the steering column, I'm pretty sure. I think my arm hit the door. My other leg is feeling a little achy. I have a headache from crying so much. Accidents tend to have a dramatic effect on me :\
I didn't work today because of the accident. So they're going to ask me about it. I couldn't go to a Budget meeting for Art Club that I said I'd go to. Though, I didn't need to, I was doing it just because I thought it would be nice and I'd learn something. When I got back I told 4 people in a row the whole story. Kevin, my dad, my mom and Sara. That's kind of why I'm writing in here, so that anyone else who asks can just read it.
I guess the more I talk about it, the better I feel. Plus, maybe things will work out a little better once the insurance companies hear what this other witness (Veronica) had to say about it. You know, this is the second time that I've gotten in an accident because of some idiot changing lanes at the last minute before an intersection. Happened 4 years ago. Yes, this is only my second accident ever.
Another thing that really bothers me is not being able to go where I want when I want. I can't go home tomorrow, like I was going to. I can't drive to a store if I need to. I can't drive to work on Saturday. I can't do any of that. I will if I get a new car, or get this one fixed. We'll see. I guess that's good, I do have a paper to write for Monday. And work to do for the art department. Oh well.
So, that's my story. Hopefully this is the end of my bad luck. :(
posted by rachel
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february 19, 2003
I haven't looked at my Sitemeter website stats in a while. But I just did, and it's depressing. Granted I'm not a hit-whore like other webmasters, but having low visits just makes everything seem so wasteful and pointless.
I'm not sure what I need to do in order to bring them back up. I don't want to really change the purpose of my website, yet I need to make it more interesting to everyone. I don't know, it's such a tough decision. I had some ideas in the past about what I would change. But.. I don't know. I have to think about it some more.
posted by rachel
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february 18, 2003
"Often the message of protesters is contradicted by history," [Ari Fleischer] said.
This is just one snippet of a whole article of shocking / horrific quotes. Most from our dear president.
I just can't believe what he said. For one thing, history is written from a bias and therefore you can't just take history for face value, because chances are parts of it were fabricated, embellished or left out. For another thing, just because something happened doesn't mean it was the right thing to happen. At any point in time there are an infinite number of possibilities for what can happen. To claim that one is the right way, and that the one that happened is the right way, is naive and conceited. Sure, you may think, "If that hadn't happened, we wouldn't be where we are."
Well, where are we? About to go to war with Iraq for stupid, nonsensical reasons. Capitalism has brainwashed and destroyed a majority of the people in this country, if not those in other countries. We're materialistic, self-centered, pompous murderers. Hell, given the nature of our arrival on this continent, it all seems fitting. Yeah, history is so great.
Things could be worse, but they could be a lot better too. And Mr. Fleischer is an ass to claim that he knows what was right and wrong to do in the past.
Nevermind what came out of our president's mouth.
"Size of protest, it's like deciding, 'Well I'm going to decide policy based up on a focus group.' The role of a leader is to decide policy based upon the security -- in this case -- security of the people."
Hmm. Remember in grade school when you'd learn about democracy, and how it means people get a voice in government, and the citizens of the democracy can affect what that government does? And "Majority rules"? Well NOT ANYMORE! Yes, that's right, Bush has said it, he doesn't give a damn. Even if the entire country was yelling at him saying, "NO! We don't want to go to war!" he still wouldn't listen cause he's the leader and he gets to decide. Let's not that that away from him, right?
Bush is really overestimating himself here. He must think he's invincible or something. "I can do whatever I want no matter who disagrees, cause I'm the preeesident." Well, I hate to be the one to burst his bubble, but if a large chunk of the country doesn't want to go to war, he can't make them. He just can't.
You know, another thing I wonder about, is what if another country or other countries decides they want to pull the same thing on us? That they get sick of Bush, and say "Okay, you have to get rid of all your weapons and we're going to give you a new government to replace this old crappy one you have." I just wonder about these things, how it would be. What countries would do this? If it came down to it, I'm sure all of them would. But you know, it's interesting. I'll bet Bush would be pissed and wouldn't see it the same way he's seeing it now.
Well, whatever. I hate getting so wound up about these things, and I have shit to do today. I just thought I'd bring this up for anyone who hasn't read about it yet.
posted by rachel
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february 16, 2003
:(
I thought I wasn't going to stay up late. So much for that. That's something I have to work on. Self-control. I need to be able to make myself go to bed if I'm tired. I really despise staying up late too many nights in a row. Mostly because it makes me sleep late, and then I feel like the day is wasted. And these days, I seem to have a lot to do. Of course, that's because I don't want to do any of it, and so I procrastinate and put it off til the last second. I'm such a good student.
Well, I can't say I'm surprised. I saw this coming since the end of high school.
You know what it is? I got to the point where I had to be really into something to be able to do it at all, let alone do it well. Let me give you an example. I have a 2-D art class this term. It's alright I guess. But most of it focuses on creating a product that will cause people to react or respond a certain way. Good design, some would call it. I call it marketing. Marketing makes me feel dirty.
Our current project is to literally design packaging for laundry soap and create an image that would appeal to college students. Kevin suggested calling it "Capital Knockers". Don't you dare tell me that it wouldn't sell to (male) college students with a logo like that.
Well, anyhow. I'm doing a half-assed job of it, because frankly I don't care and it makes me feel cheap. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of my artwork, really. I've known that I don't have to care about that since high school. I'm not as good as other people around me, so less pressure I guess. I don't have to think about what someone is thinking when they see my piece. Mostly because, I have this theory about what makes art art... and I don't care if 10,000 people think my pieces are art, or just I do. It's still art even if I'm the only one. I have a lot of theories.
That reminded me of the Simpson's episode where Homer has that crayon removed from his brain, and is talking to Lisa about what it's like to be smarter than other people. And she spouts some figures or statistics about how much more likely people are to be jealous of intelligence.. something like that. But she says, "I even made a graph... I make a lot of graphs."
I have a lot of theories.
Maybe one day I'll actually use them for something worthwhile.
Not now, my lamp is giving me a headache. I'd bet the lack of sleep is, as well. So off I go.
And wait, before anybody asks me "How was your Valentine's Day?", let me answer. It was great. No details, just great. Don't ask. I'm going to be SO sick of hearing that question on Monday. Yuck.
How many days til the term is over? :(
posted by rachel
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february 12, 2003
I know haven't really posted much, but there's a good reason. I just haven't felt the need, really.
But I'm seriously considering unsubscribing to the RBFMOJO list. Yes, I'm still on it for some reason. Sure, I had my reasons for staying. There were a few people who I still liked talking to. And, maybe there still are. But I just really feel like it's not doing anything for me. It's just taking up precious time. And I don't want to become another Ryan, who says that they've unsubscribed but stays on there and makes pretty ridiculous comments every time there's some big thing going on. There's just no reason to get into all that.
The problem is, everyone on the list knows eachother too well, and likes hiding behind their computers. Me included, to a point. I think they'd do well to just cancel the list. I used to think differently, but you should see the shit that goes on. Sometimes there's decent things, but other times it's just laughable. You see some of the worst sides of human behavior. Once in a while we have real conversations and they're good experiences. But it seems like as time goes on, more and more people just use it as their emotional dumping ground.
Discussion lists are overrated unless you're on there for some real information, and then immediately unsubscribe.
So, we'll see. I'm staying out of our current blow-up for the time being, and only reading/responding to emails that are off topic. Then we'll see how things go after that. Meh.
But I need to go to bed, I've got class tomorrow. And ugh, I am getting so sick of school already. I can't wait til summer. Spring break is too short to really start to appreciate school again. Which is unfortunate, seeing as I have 4 classes next term. Ugh. Maybe senior year will be easier.
I was going to do more web work tonight, but didn't have a chance. Tomorrow, though.
Goodnight.
posted by rachel
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february 5, 2003
I hate mornings with a goddamn passion. Granted I slept later than I usually do, and skipped my first class. But the rest of it sucked.
You know, I'm the type of person you don't want to see at any point before noon, let alone see when I first wake up in the morning. I'm brutal. I WILL bite your head off, literally.
And sometimes I just have such surreal mornings because of being woken up by someone, or because of just weird stuff that's going on. I almost had one of those.
But moody? YES. Oh my god I want to like shoot people and cry at the same time. I hate hate hate hate lights in the morning. I believe one of my parents used to turn the light on in my room (before I started locking my door) to wake me up. I HATED that.
Besides that, I made the mistake of checking my computer before I fully woke up, so I saw that Kevin had forgotten I was skipping class, and was checking to see if we could walk to class together. :( I felt so bad. I still do. Shit, I have to go soon. Nevermind. I'll post more later or something.
posted by rachel
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If ANYONE out there has two tickets for Sleater Kinney's Chicago gig, January 23rd at the Metro, I highly suggest you get in touch with me. We'll do some business. I want tickets, and if you have them, that could mean money in your pocket.
For now, that's all. Just waiting for the week to be over, cause it sure is taking its time.
posted by rachel
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february 3, 2003
This weekend kind of flew by. I had things to do every single day, which is good. Home on Friday. Work, haircut and Kevin Saturday. Sunday we did IHOP, I painted and then went out with Sara and Nia later that night. Good times.
Yeah, I got my haircut. My layers readjusted and trimmed. I really needed it. And everytime I get my hair cut, I always get the same remark from the stylist: "Wow, that's a lot of hair". Not because they cut off so much, but because of how thick my hair is.. I try to tip well, since I know it's a hassle to deal with my hair.
Anyhow, I have to do these personality tests for my Personality class, so I thought I'd post what my results were in my journals for both my own reference, and for the hell of it. I don't have much else to say anyhow.
Emotional Intelligence Test:
Knowing your emotional weaknesses allows you to alter your lifestyle to improve your social interactions, time spent with family, problems in your relationships, communication between friends, workplace attitude and efficiency, emotional stability, and many other daily situations in which your emotional aptitude is utilized and challenged.
Your Weakest Emotional Category is:
Assertiveness
Recognizing your emotional strengths is equally important. For example, strong assertiveness can positive, assuming you are not domineering in conversations and relationships. Strong empathy can be beneficial, as long as you don't put the interests of others before your own well-being. Moderation is the key to successfully handling your emotions.
Your Strongest Emotional Category is:
Pressure Performance
----------------------------------------
Big Five Personality Test
Openness to Experience/Intellect
(69 percentile)
High scorers tend to be original, creative, curious, complex; Low scorers tend to be conventional, down to earth, narrow interests, uncreative. You are relatively open to new experiences.
Conscientiousness
(68 percentile)
High scorers tend to be reliable, well-organized, self-disciplined, careful; Low scorers tend to be disorganized, undependable, negligent. You are well-organized, and are reliable.
Extraversion
(18 percentile)
High scorers tend to be sociable, friendly, fun loving, talkative; Low scorers tend to be introverted, reserved, inhibited, quiet. You probably enjoy spending quiet time alone.
Agreeableness
(64 percentile)
High scorers tend to be good natured, sympathetic, forgiving, courteous; Low scorers tend to be critical, rude, harsh, callous. You tend to consider the feelings of others.
Neuroticism
(82 percentile)
High scorers tend to be nervous, high-strung, insecure, worrying; Low scorers tend to be calm, relaxed, secure, hardy. You are a generally anxious person and tend to worry about things.
That's it for today, I have one more test to do, but it would probably take more time than I have before I have to go to work. Especially considering it's on Emode. So, there we go.
Today's going to be long and probably boring. Ah well. At least it's half over. Just work, one more class and that's it. I think I'll go take more pictures tomorrow. I have to get my work hours somehow. Ha.
posted by rachel
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february 1, 2003
Ugh, I just paid bills. Yuck. I feel dirty somehow.
Okay, so the night wasn't a total waste. I went home and did laundry / went about my musical business. You know, it's been a while since I've officially recorded something and I've forgotten that half the battle of DIY bedroom recording is getting shit set up. My guitar SO wouldn't work electrically. I had to just record it as acoustic. Which isn't a bad idea for the particular song, but I was pissed. I don't know why exactly, but maybe there's something wrong with one of the wires. It just... wouldn't work. I tried a million batteries.
I think when I'm home for Spring Break, or hell maybe even before then, I'm going to bring it to Rossi Music and see if they can figure out what's wrong. They must do instrument repair. If I knew where the hell my damn receipt was, I'd get it and see how long ago I bought it. And I'm positive I didn't send in the guarantee card that came with it, so I can't make the company do anything. Hmph. Well, I'll try one more time, when I get time, to get it to work. Maybe it was the cable.
So yeah, I got the guitar / vocals for one of my songs done, and it sounds pretty decent so far. I even got to experiment a little bit on my keyboard along with the song. I don't know if it's what I want so far though. I mean, it's a possibility. But I was really thinking: violin. A real one, not a keyboard violin sound cause that doesn't work with what I had in mind. But you know, maybe just some percussion would work out alright if it sounds right. We'll see.
I think I'll let Kevin listen to it and see what he thinks, too. Tomorrow night. Cause it's our super pizza + movie fun night. We're even going to play Cribbage. Haha. I love that game. Combining a card game with a board game = excellent.
And well, Sunday Sara and I may get together, later at night. We'll see how we both feel. Cause I have a couple art things to do this weekend. And I have reading to do, but hopefully I'll get a bunch done tomorrow at work.
Speaking of, I should go to bed. I gotta get up at 9:30am tomorrow (so that I can find a place to park on the street so I don't get my car towed for parking in a "commuter" lot. Bah.)
Want want want:
Coolest phone ever. I so am going to get the damn thing.